There are many occasions when it's handy to know how to tie a tie. Maybe for your first job interview, you're attending your brother's funeral or even you're appearing at court, charged with your brothers murder. Your motive? He borrowed your tie and you never got it back.
Whatever the reason you have to wear a tie, I'm going to demonstrate how to do it properly by giving you the mac daddy of tie knots, the "Roley knot" (some call it a "Windsor Knot" - but fuck those guys it's my tie). It's simple, smart and can make even cheap ties look sharp.
Having the ability to tie your own tie will make you feel like more of a man and make you more attractive to the ladies by 12.5%. This is why I gift you this How To Tie A Tie Like A Boss video, so you too can enjoy this ancient secret of man. The allure of wearing the Roley knot in your suit tie may become addictive, but there are situations that wearing a tie maybe dangerous and could even cost you your life.
Like when operating a lathe (spinny-turn spinny turn), sneaking up on a gorilla or climbing across a ladder suspended over a pit of zombies. There are other times you shouldn't wear a tie, but those are the most common that just popped into my head.
Yeah sure you could give yourself a cheap thrill with a clip on tie, but what if you're found out? You will be publicly stripped of your man points by an official elected man point sheriff. The whole world will think you're a phoney (maybe even that guy that kept calling Peter Griffin a phoney in that episode of Family Guy will turn up to call YOU a phoney). It might even stop you getting a mortgage. What will women think? I'll tell you what they'll think, they say "Well if he can't commit to tying a tie properly, then he's not going to commit to me. I'll steer clear of this clip on wearing mother fucker".
Before you know it you're jobless. Women won't give you the time of day, let alone lick your balls. Instead you're having to spit shine a tramps pole, just so you can get enough pennies together to buy a meal. But as you're chugging down on this tramps pissing stick, he recognises you "Hey! Ain't you that mother fucker who wore a clip on tie?". "hmmfo mfft weewas" is your pickled tramp cock filled mouth reply. "What else you hiding? You a terrorist boy?" says the tramp. You peer up from staring at his genital warts to notice, this particular tramp, has army stripes on his jacket. "Oh no he's a vet!" you think to yourself.
Without provocation this homeless army veteran, abandoned by his country after fighting so valiantly to protect the very nation, who now think of him as dirt, finds the act of a clip on tie wearing terrorist sucking his stinky, but still patriotic old man, to be the last straw.
Faster than you can scream "I'm anaemic", this tramp is whaling on you, throwing what feels like sledgehammers down on your worthless body. All you can think is "I can't fight back. That will only confirm I'm a terrorist." Before you eventually lose consciousness, tightly bound in your blood and piss soaked fetus position, your last thoughts are - "Maybe I should have bought an expensive tie. Maybe just maybe, I should have watched Roley's How To Tie A Tie Like A Boss video right the way through. Several times even."
Moral of this story is learn how to tie a tie or acquire the taste for pickled hobo.
Whatever the reason you have to wear a tie, I'm going to demonstrate how to do it properly by giving you the mac daddy of tie knots, the "Roley knot" (some call it a "Windsor Knot" - but fuck those guys it's my tie). It's simple, smart and can make even cheap ties look sharp.
Having the ability to tie your own tie will make you feel like more of a man and make you more attractive to the ladies by 12.5%. This is why I gift you this How To Tie A Tie Like A Boss video, so you too can enjoy this ancient secret of man. The allure of wearing the Roley knot in your suit tie may become addictive, but there are situations that wearing a tie maybe dangerous and could even cost you your life.
Like when operating a lathe (spinny-turn spinny turn), sneaking up on a gorilla or climbing across a ladder suspended over a pit of zombies. There are other times you shouldn't wear a tie, but those are the most common that just popped into my head.
Yeah sure you could give yourself a cheap thrill with a clip on tie, but what if you're found out? You will be publicly stripped of your man points by an official elected man point sheriff. The whole world will think you're a phoney (maybe even that guy that kept calling Peter Griffin a phoney in that episode of Family Guy will turn up to call YOU a phoney). It might even stop you getting a mortgage. What will women think? I'll tell you what they'll think, they say "Well if he can't commit to tying a tie properly, then he's not going to commit to me. I'll steer clear of this clip on wearing mother fucker".
Before you know it you're jobless. Women won't give you the time of day, let alone lick your balls. Instead you're having to spit shine a tramps pole, just so you can get enough pennies together to buy a meal. But as you're chugging down on this tramps pissing stick, he recognises you "Hey! Ain't you that mother fucker who wore a clip on tie?". "hmmfo mfft weewas" is your pickled tramp cock filled mouth reply. "What else you hiding? You a terrorist boy?" says the tramp. You peer up from staring at his genital warts to notice, this particular tramp, has army stripes on his jacket. "Oh no he's a vet!" you think to yourself.
Without provocation this homeless army veteran, abandoned by his country after fighting so valiantly to protect the very nation, who now think of him as dirt, finds the act of a clip on tie wearing terrorist sucking his stinky, but still patriotic old man, to be the last straw.
Faster than you can scream "I'm anaemic", this tramp is whaling on you, throwing what feels like sledgehammers down on your worthless body. All you can think is "I can't fight back. That will only confirm I'm a terrorist." Before you eventually lose consciousness, tightly bound in your blood and piss soaked fetus position, your last thoughts are - "Maybe I should have bought an expensive tie. Maybe just maybe, I should have watched Roley's How To Tie A Tie Like A Boss video right the way through. Several times even."
Moral of this story is learn how to tie a tie or acquire the taste for pickled hobo.